whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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