guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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