So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
