why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
