Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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