Only a mothe r could love this liver
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
