so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Oh god it's open bar.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
