I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
