GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
