There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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