frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
