Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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