I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Randomize
