i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize