She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
