My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
