Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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