Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
