I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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