Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
