My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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