Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
