I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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