so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
