Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
this will be a night to untag.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
