5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
