We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
