just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
