so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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