There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
