the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
