She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
