Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
