Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
