Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
