I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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