That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
