erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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