i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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