Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
