The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
