Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize