I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
