Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
