on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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