I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
