Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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