Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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