Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize