I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
