He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
