He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
