currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
