I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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