Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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