oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
