Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
the liver wants what the liver wants
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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