So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
