I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You're like the curious george of whores
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
