I love black thongs
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
