Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
