Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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