Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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