I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just gift wrapped bread.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She needs sedatives and a leash
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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