i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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