the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
what day is it and did you see me today?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
