Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
